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Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day to Me

Happy mother's day! Whether your kids walk on two legs or four, may your day be filled with happiness, and far less poop than mine has encountered already today. I woke up around 1am sneezing and congested. My allergies were in full-blown beast mode. I couldn't breathe, my nose was leaking like a sive, and my throat and inner ears were itching like crazy. Nothing like trying to blow your nose quietly in the middle of the night, while praying nobody else wakes up. After I managed to at least halfway clear my sinuses, I went back to bed. Hope came bounding into the room at precisely 5:56am, requesting breakfast and asking when I would hold true to the promise I made yesterday to curl her hair. I did everything I could to convince her to go back to bed, but if you know Hope, you know once she's up, so is the rest of the world. So I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and handed her a bag of mini-muffins and a cup of milk, then settled into my recliner to try to catch a few more z's before the rest of the house woke up. Just as I started to pass out, my phone started buzzing with "Happy Mother's Day" texts from my friends and family on the east coast. I love you guys, but HELLO, time difference. LOL So at that point I figured trying for more sleep was useless. I convinced Tim to run out to get me some coffee, but had to ask him at least a half a dozen times until he finally put pants on and then wound up convincing his sister (who is currently living with us) to drive him there. Hope hitched a ride and I got excited for a second thinking I could maybe actually grab half an hour of precious sleep while they were gone... until on her way out, Hope yelled, "MOM! Ray's awake!" And once again, my dreams were shattered. I got Raylan out of bed, brought him downstairs, and he started asking for ice cream for breakfast. Yeah, right. But once the rest of the members of the household had left, I caved in and let him have three little bites. Instantly, his mouth turned blue from the stain of the ice cream, and I knew once Hope got home, we'd be busted. I tried to get him to promise to keep this our little secret, but at 2, you never know what he's going to say. So I wasn't going to hold my breath. Tim, Kristian, and Hope got home with coffee and McDonald's breakfast, so I passed out McMuffins and then cleaned up and started a load of laundry. Tim went out back to work in the shop, and Raylan announced panicked that he had to go potty. So I jumped up and ran to the bathroom with him. We've been potty training for a while, and it's still hit or miss with him, so I hurredly yanked his sleep boxers and pull-up down and situated him onto his potty chair. That's when I smelled it. Poop. I got excited! Finally! Poop in the potty was huge progress! Except.. it wasn't IN the potty. It was on the floor. And on his leg... and the wall, and the potty chair... as well as in his pants, stuck to the bottom of his foot, and as he realized what was happening and reached down, also on his hand. It was poopocalypse 2013. I yelled for help, and Kristian and Hope did run-bys, throwing wipes and diapers and extra clothes into the bathroom for me. I spent the better part of half an hour scrubbing poop off of every bathroom service as well as my son, and then disinfecting everything in sight. Happy mother's day. Nothing says "I love you" like poop everywhere.