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Friday, April 22, 2011

My ex girlfriend is a psycho!

Original email to me:
Dear Mama Em,
I need help. My ex and I broke up and lets just say it was messy. Now she's running all over town trashing my name and telling lies about me. My new girlfriend is pissed. My ex and I broke up like 6 months ago, SHE left ME, and she has a new boyfriend. So why is she still trying to ruin my life, and what can I do to repair all this damage?

My response:
Dear Trashed,
I'm sure it hasn't been scientifically proven, but I have this theory that the "girlier" the girl, the more psycho they really are, meaning that the psycho's connected to the.... estrogen. Sorry, broke into song there for a second. Anyhow, I have observed in my not-so-long life, that the more prissy (for lack of a better word) a girl is, the more out to get you she is when you break up with her. Most women are like this to an extent. They get super pissed when you break up, even if she's the one who wants to leave, and then they spend all of their time trying to make your life miserable. Your new girlfriend is a target, even if the two have never met, and the ex will do everything in her power to make sure you can't just live in peace. I don't know what it is, but females are nuts. Sorry ladies, but we're all a little crazy, it's just to what extent. I have seen your scenario play out time and time again. Girl breaks up with boy, boy gets new girlfriend, girl becomes insanely jealous, girl tries to ruin boy's life. I have no answer as to why she's doing this. But, I can tell you that the best thing you can do is to assure your new girlfriend that you don't want your old girlfriend back, and don't respond to any texts, calls, emails, facebook messages, etc, because that will only further fuel the fire. If you go silent and she sees that her drama isn't getting under your skin anymore, she'll stop. When you run into someone who mentions an untruth that she's told them about you, smile and say "I wish she could find her own hapiness, like I've found mine. I'm sorry she tried to pull you into her drama, and I hope you know me better than that and know that it's untrue." That's all you can do. The more time you spend worrying about what she's doing or what she's saying, and trying to run around and clean up the lies she's spreading, the more she wins. And whatever you do, don't try to retailiate! Trust me, people will be watching to see what you do. It's free entertainment to watch people try to tear each other down. So be the bigger person, move forward, and let her destroy her own good name by trying to hard to destroy yours. In the end, everybody else will see she's a nutbar, and you're the sane one. Good luck!
Mama

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Help! I can't get my friend to take my advice!

Original email to me:
Dear Mama Em,
I need help. See, everybody I know comes to me for advice just like you. But I have this one friend who is always fighting with her significant other, and together they are so mismatched, and I always tell her to leave him, but she doesn't. She always goes back. How do I get her to listen to me?

Me response:
Dear fellow advice-giver, wouldn't it be so great if everyone who asked us for advice actually took it? I know the world would be a better place if everyone just did what I told them to. LOL I have a friend who is a little like yours. One of my nearest and dearest friends is married to a man who is exactly like her. They are both hot-headed, short tempered, and short fused. So when they fight, they really go at it. I'd say about once a month I get the text message from her that says she's done and she's moving out. Somehow they always get through it, and move on together as a couple. Let me tell you how I personally handle this kind of conflict. I NEVER tell her what to do. It's not MY relationship. It's hers. It's not up to me whether she should stay with him or leave him, it's up to her. And a real friend will listen, without giving advice, and offer support, regardless of that person's decision to stay or to leave. My mom used to always say "you never know what goes on behind closed doors". That can go either way. The most perfect-appearing relationship could actually be abusive and awful when nobody is watching, and the most disfunctional-appearing relationship could be loving and gentle when nobody is watching. My advice to you, and to your friend, is to not be so quick to want to tell her what to do. Instead, listen to what she has to say, let her vent, and tell her that you're there for her, to talk to, to cry on, or whatever, and that you'll support her in whatever decision she makes. Because trust me, she's got enough opinions from her other friends and family members. It's too much for one person to hear what she SHOULD be doing all the time. She's got to make the right choice for herself, and she's going to need someone who is non-judgemental and supportive. Plus, if you're always telling her to leave, and she always goes back, you will always have weirdness between you and she'll always feel like she's being judged by you, which will only lead to the demise of your friendship at some point down the road. So if you treasure your friends, only give advice when asked for it directly, and never tell someone to stay or to leave when it comes to their relationship. Unless you're a marriage counselor, you're not really helping. Good luck!
Mama